Inoku
by That Nanda
Summary: Like Spock and McCoy, like Goten and Trunks, eventually you're going to have to share your body. Work in progress...
1. Chapter 1

Inoku

"Oh, look! A hot spring!" Kagome cried, excitedly pointing to somewhere off the road, amongst the trees. Her weary companions turned to look hopefully in the direction that she was pointing. Sure enough, nestled right there amongst the rocks and trees, was a lovely spring with white steam rising in curls off of it's waters. 

"A nice hot bath…" Sango sighed wistfully. It had been many days since they'd been able to rest, let alone bathe. Even Inuyasha felt that it was indeed time to stop, so they turned off the dusty path and set up a small, impromptu camp a few yards from the spring. Once everything was settled, and a cheery little fire was blazing, Kagome grabbed her toiletry bag in one hand and Sango in the other.

"We're off to take a bath!" She called happily to the boys.

"I'm going, too!" Shippou sang out, bounding after them. 

"Wait a second!" Inuyasha hollered. In a flash he had overtaken the little party and was blocking their way. "Haven't you forgotten something?" He asked, pointedly. Kagome smiled at him sheepishly, but feigned ignorance.

"Uh, no!" she said, her voice cheerful, with a tiny hint of guilt. "Everything's here! Soap, shampoo, towels, loofa…"

"Yeah!" he snorted, "Nice try. You know damn well it's me and Miroku's turn to go first."

"He's right." Miroku agreed, coming up behind them. The girls jumped at his voice; it was never a good idea to let Miroku sneak up from behind. 

"But I feel so icky and dirty!" Kagome whined, turning back to Inuyasha. "Can't you make an exception this time? You can go first next time."

"I might have, if you hadn't said that the last three times we've come across hot springs!" Inuyasha yelled at her.

"Boy!" Kagome fumed, stomping her foot. "In my time, all the stories you hear about the middle ages say that men were chivalrous to ladies. Apparently we've been misinformed!" 

"Well I'm not a man, and you sure as hell ain't a lady, so there's your answer!" Inuyasha shouted back at her. Kagome crossed her arms and gave him a deadly look. 

"Osuwari." Unfazed, Miroku stepped over Inuyasha and put his arms around the girls.

"My good ladies," he said gently, "Some men are sensitive to a woman's needs. I believe that I have an answer to our dilemma that will please everyone." Kagome and Sango eyed the monk suspiciously. "If we simply bathe together," he continued, "then no one will have to wait-" Miroku was cut off by two hands slapping him across either cheek, simultaneously, in a criss-cross motion. Grabbing Sango's hand in her own, Kagome stalked back toward the campsite, leaving a twitching Miroku holding his face, and Inuyasha muttering curses on the ground.

"Come on Sango," she said angrily, "Let's leave the pervert and his mutt to their bath! After that, I can see that they need it more than we do! One has a dirty mind and the other has a dirty mouth!" As the girls sauntered off, Shippou stayed back a moment, watching the two young men. Then suddenly and gleefully, he burst out laughing. He rolled onto his back, holding his stomach, and laughed just until the point where it looked like Inuyasha was regaining some control over his extremities. Then he hopped away, following the girls back to camp. 

A few minutes later, Miroku stepped gingerly into the hot water, checking the temperature with his bare feet before walking into the waist-deep water. On the banks, Inuyasha was disrobing. 

"Bitch!" he cursed, flinging his fire-rat haori to the ground angrily. Looking up at Miroku, however, put him into a better mood. 

"He he." he chuckled. "Hey Miroku! Your face is still red!" Miroku sighed, gently and carefully touching his face. He winced as he applied a tiny bit of pressure to his cheek with his fingertips.

"Yes," he agreed, "They were very angry."

"I can't imagine why." Inuyasha said sarcastically. "Maybe it's that perverted mind of yours. If you don't knock it off, you're in for a lot more bruises." as he said this, Inuyasha pulled his white inner-kimono off of his body, revealing huge, purple and yellow bruises running the entire length of his torso. 

"Inuyasha…" Miroku exclaimed, eyes wide with wonder. "You should talk about bruises! Look at yourself. Those are clearly the marks of Kagome-sama's anger."

"This stupid ward!" Inuyasha cursed, pulling at the rosary around his neck. "I say the smallest thing and she brutalizes me!"

"The smallest thing? Miroku said doubtfully, raising one eyebrow.

"Shut up!" Inuyasha said, letting the remainder of his clothing fall to the ground. "Who the hell are you to judge? I don't care what that stupid girl thinks of me, but you at least should learn how to deal with women properly. You're never gonna get one of 'em to bear your child at the rate you're going now!" He walked into the spring, then sat at a distance from Miroku, facing him. 

"You don't have to sit so far away from me." Miroku laughed. "I only grope women." 

"Hmph!" Inuyasha laughed darkly. "If you ever so much as looked at me funny, you'd loose the eye."

"Hmmm." Miroku pondered. "Then it amazes me that Kagome still has such a beautiful face."

"Don't talk about her that way." Inuyasha said quickly and menacingly. "And what does that mean?"

"It means that she gives you 'funny' looks all the time." the monk stated simply.

"That's because she has it out for me." Inuyasha grumbled sullenly. "If Kikyo doesn't kill me first, she will."

"Well, she has something for you, anyway." Miroku said evasively.

"What are you talking about now?" Inuyasha demanded.

"I thought you were supposed to be extra perceptive with those youkai senses of yours." Miroku teased. "The girl obviously cares for you." Inuyasha glared at the monk for a moment, silently brooding. It was a few minutes before he had a suitable retort. 

"Well, if you weren't so busy minding MY business, then you might have noticed how Sango practically trips over herself every time you look at her."

"S-Sango?" the monk choked.

"S-Sango?" Inuyasha smiled, enjoying Miroku's reaction. "Yeah, you remember her, don't you? Demon exterminator? Lot's of family problems? You're at least well acquainted with her ass, I know that much." 

"Do not speak of such things when you refer to Sango-sama." Miroku said gravely. "She has lead a troubled life and deserves your respect." 

"Oh, sorry if I offended her honor!" Inuyasha barked sarcastically. "At least I don't grab her private parts every chance I get!"

"Yes, I've been wondering about that." Miroku said without missing a beat. "Are you sure you DON'T want me to grope you? Because you don't seem at all interested in Kagome-sama." Inuyasha bristled, then lunged at the monk, teeth and claws bared. Miroku cleverly ducked under the water and dodged the blow, resurfacing moments later on the other side of the spring. Inuyasha turned, preparing to charge him again, when Miroku pulled at the rosary covering his right hand. 

"Shall I suck you in and put you out of your misery?"

"I'll have ripped your arm off before the beads leave your hand! But then you won't have to worry about that Kazaana sucking you in anymore, will you?" the hanyou chuckled evilly.

"Let's find out!" Miroku laughed, pretending to pull the beads off slowly and dramatically. Inuyasha grinned and cracked his knuckles. They never found out, however, because at that moment, they heard the sound of screaming coming from the campsite. 

"Kagome!" Inuyasha cried, jumping out of the water and racing for the camp. 

"Inuyasha, wait for me!" Miroku cried, debating whether or not to throw his robes on first or just go. He opted for the latter, due to the urgency of the situation, but he couldn't help but think grimly _'When this is over, we are going to have some explaining to do…' _as he ran after the hanyou. 

Racing ahead, Inuyasha crashed through the underbrush and ran at full tilt into the camp. 

"Kagome! Sango!" he called.

"Inuyasha!" he heard Kagome scream, "Look out!" At that instant, something huge, black and shiny came flying at his head. He dodged to the right and it embedded itself into the trunk of the tree behind him, splintering the wood. 

"Huh!" he exclaimed. "That was almost my head." As it struggled to remove itself from the trunk of the tree, Inuyasha had a precious few seconds to see what it was that was attacking him. His eyes followed the length of what appeared to be a long, black, armored tail up to where it connected to the rest of a giant scorpion. 

"Inuyasha!" Kagome screamed.

"Kagome! Where are you?" he called back.

"Up here!" she cried to him from above. "On Kirara!"

"Stay up there!" he called back. "This won't take long!"

"Inuyasha!" Kagome yelled, "He has a shikon shard in his tail!" But at that instant, the scorpion freed it's tail from the wood with a splintering crack.

"What?" Inuyasha yelled back, but was soon distracted as an enormous mandible claw swiped at him. Again he dodged, then reached for the Tetsaiga at his hip, only to realize that he had left it back at the spring underneath his clothing.

"Shit!" he cursed. "Oh well, sword or no, I'll have no trouble taking a big idiot like you down! Sankon Tessou!" Inuyasha slashed at the scorpion, but due to the armored exoskeleton of the beast, his attack was rendered useless. It was at that moment that Miroku ran into the clearing. 

"Inuyasha!" he cried, "Get behind me! I'll suck it in with my Kazaana!" 

"No Miroku!" Kagome called down to him. "There's a shikon shard in his tail!"

"What?" Miroku yelled, but his moment of hesitation proved to be a fatal error. The scorpion turned at the sound of his voice, and with lightening quickness, it's deadly tail whipped out at the monk. 

"MIROKU, LOOK OUT!" Inuyasha yelled, diving to place himself between the monster and the monk. At the precise moment that Inuyasha jumped in front of Miroku, the stinger hit home, impaling him through his torso and coming out his back.

"Ugn!" he moaned, but managed to choke out, "Miroku, run." As his vision began to blur, both from shock and the scorpion's poison, he turned his head as far as he could to see if Miroku had escaped. He couldn't see him anywhere. Then he felt something large and warm land fully across his back. His head fell onto his chest as his muscles began to weaken and he noticed a gloved hand dangling near his hip. His body went limp from horror and exhaustion as he realized what had happened. The scorpion's tail had impaled him, gone through, and impaled Miroku as well. 

"Dammit Miroku!" he choked, tasting his own blood in his mouth, "Why did you hesitate?"

"MIROKU!" a woman's voice screamed from somewhere far off. It was followed by the unmistakable sound of Hirakotsu whirling through the air. 

"Sango…" Miroku breathed against Inuyasha's back as he desperately clung to life. Both men tensed and cried out as the scorpion drew back it's tail, the stinger scraping their insides and leaving gaping holes through their midsections in it's wake. Blood trickled from Inuyasha's eyes and mouth as the pain left his body entirely and the world went blindingly white. 

Before the tail could fully retract, Hiraikotsu cut through it, severing it from the scorpion's body. From up high on Kirara, the women and Shippou watched in amazement as an instant later, the scorpion disintegrated in a cloud of smoke. 

"What happened?" Kagome asked. 

"You said the shard was in the tail?" A tiny voice said in her ear. "Once the tail was separated from the shard, the youkai must have died." Kagome turned to look at the flea demon on her shoulder.

"When did you show up, Myoga-jiichan?" she asked. 

"I've been here the whole time!" he said indignantly. "Watching from a little distance."

"That sounds about right, you old coward." Shippou said.

"I am tired of all of you calling me a coward! You need to learn to respect you elders." Myoga fumed, crossing all four of his tiny arms over his chest. 

"There's no time for this!" Sango cried suddenly, her voice choked with emotion. "We have to get down there and find Houshi-sama and Inuyasha, they're hurt!"

"You're right." Kagome said, biting her lip nervously. "We need to find them." Reading the subtle movements of Sango's body, Kirara swooped down into the dense smoke… only to come up seconds later, choking.

"It's no good!" Kagome wheezed. "We'll have to wait until the smoke dissipates."

"It must be the scorpion's deadly poison that makes it so toxic." Myoga reasoned. Sango leaned forward, resting her head on Kirara's as they flew in search of safer ground. 'Oh Houshi-sama.' she thought to herself as silent tears rolled down her cheeks. 'What chance do you have now?'

Eventually, they settled on a hill not too far, but far enough, from the smoke. They sat in silence, listening for any indications of life amidst the ruin. They stayed for hours, hope hanging by a thread that got steadily thinner as time wore on. Then, almost as suddenly as it had appeared, the smoke began to dissipate. Hopping back onto Kirara, they returned to the battlefield in search of their friends. As they approached the clearing, they began to hear the sounds of labored breathing and struggling footsteps. A lone figure emerged from the thinning smoke. Kagome and Sango rushed forward, desperate to see, yet terrified of what they would find. As they drew closer, the figure's face became clear. It was the face of a stranger. Kagome dropped her eyes from the nude male form before her, shocked and embarrassed. Sango's gaze never wavered as she tightened her grip on Hiraikotsu.

"What treachery is this?" she cried.

"…Kagome…" the man said uncertainly. Then extraordinarily, the timbre of his voice changed, and he added "…-sama…", before dropping like a stone at their feet.


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

"Shippou-chan!" Sango cried, kneeling down next to the fallen man who had just uttered Kagome's name. "Take Kirara and go back to the spring. See if you can find any trace of the boys." 

"Right!" Shippou nodded, hopping up onto Kirara's back. Together, they ran off in the direction of the hot spring, leaving Sango and Kagome to deal with the black-haired stranger. Not wasting any time on modesty, Sango rolled the man onto his back. For her part, Kagome had to take a handkerchief out of her pocket and lay it across his lap before she felt comfortable enough to examine him. 

"He almost looks like Inuyasha…" Kagome leaned in closely, carefully inspecting his face. "The way Inuyasha looks when it's a new moon and his youkai blood ebbs away. Look Sango-chan!" She reached down to gently touch the prayer beads around the man's neck. "But he doesn't look right…" she said sadly, shaking her head. "His face is different. Look at his eyebrows and his nose, they're softer. His features are more gentle, almost like Miro-"

"Kagome-chan!" Sango cried out suddenly, her hand flying up to cover her mouth in shock. As Kagome stared intently, Sango reached down and picked up the man's right hand, lifting it up for her to see. The hand and most of the forearm were swathed in a dark purple cloth. A gold ring on the middle finger held the cloth in place at the top, and a length of blue rosary was wrapped around the palm of his hand and continued down the forearm. 

"Kazaana…" Kagome gasped, her eyes as wide as teacups. "It can't be!" 

"I know! But look at the fingers, Kagome-chan!" Doing as she was told, Kagome proceeded to examine the left hand, the one closest to her own knee. 

"Claws…" she breathed, looking up at Sango, her eyebrows drawn tightly together in the middle of her face. Sango nodded, her face mirroring the younger girl's. 

"What does this mean?" 

"Kagome! Sango!" Shippou called, returning to the camp. Kirara followed a few steps behind him, two sets of robes draped across her back. Shippou had managed to loop the string from one of his tops around the hilt of the Tetsusaiga and was dragging it along behind him. 

"I almost forgot that I can't touch it." he explained. "I would have been one fried little kit! We looked and looked, but this is all we found… Kagome? Sango?" Shippou looked from one worried face to the other, and he began to feel afraid. 

"It can't be…" Kagome repeated, returning her attention to the man on the ground. "Inu…yasha?" she called softly and uncertainly. Prompted by the sound of her voice, the man began to stir. His eyelids fluttered open to reveal a pair of wildly confused, violet eyes. 

"Kagome?" he groaned, his eyes taking a moment to focus on her face. When it seemed he could see clearly again, he began to struggle into a sitting position. Moving quickly, she put a hand behind his back and helped him up. 

"Are you alright?" Kagome asked, keeping her arm around his shoulders in case he started to faint and fell back again. 

"Ugnn…My head feels like it's about to split open." he murmured, squinting his eyes. "Where's Miroku?" Kagome and Sango exchanged worried looks.

"Inuyasha…" Kagome began, unsure of what she was going to say next, when she suddenly froze, her voice dying in her throat as she felt his left hand reach up and firmly grab her bottom. 

"What are you doing?!" she squeaked, her facing practically glowing bright pink. 

"Huh? Oh gods, what AM I doing?" He exclaimed, drawing his hand back before she felt inclined to break his fingers. "I don't know what just came over me…my head…" He started to bring his right hand up to touch his forehead, then stopped when he noticed what was covering it. 

"What in all the hells?" he mused curiously, staring at the beads and the cloth. Using his other hand, he slowly unwound the rosary from around his wrist. He was about to lift the beads off his palm and remove the fabric, when his face suddenly contorted into a look of sheer terror and panic.

"DON'T!" he screamed, roughly tugging the fabric down and re-wrapping the rosary with a practiced speed and ease. "Baka!" he cried. "You almost sucked them in!" 

"Inuyasha?" Kagome asked, touching his shoulder gently.

"Forgive me, Kagome-sama, Sango…" he said, panting, his heart pounding like a cannon in his chest. "I-I don't know what's happening, it's like I'm hearing two voices inside of my head." He looked up at both women, his eyes brimming over with fear and uncertainty. He was totally unprepared for what happened next.

"Ho…Houshi-sama!" Sango cried fiercely, tears spilling out of her eyes as she threw her arms around his neck and hugged his head to her breast. 

"Sango…" he said, his voice full of wonder as he buried his face into her bosom, his next sentence coming out a little muffled. "I didn't realize you felt this way about me."

"Rrrgh! Get off!" she cried, pushing him away from her chest. "Of course I was worried, I'm worried about…both…of you?" she trailed off, questioning as she searched his eyes. 

"What's happened to you Houshi-sama?"

"I'm not sure." he answered softly, staring back up at her. "I remember the scorpion was coming toward me, and Inuyasha jumped into it's path…then everything when white, and then black and the next thing I know I'm sitting here with you both in front of me about to open the kazaana! But I don't remember anything before that! It was as if I had just woken up at that moment…"

"Miroku?" Shippou asked quietly, coming up behind the stranger who spoke like his friend, the hoshi. The man spun around when he heard his voice, and saw the kitsune dragging the Tetsusaiga behind him on a string.

"You little shit!" he growled, his hand shooting out and grabbing Shippou around the middle. He squeezed the kit violently and brought him within inches of his teeth, which at this close proximity Shippou now noticed were fangs. "What have I told you about playing with my katana?!"

"Inuyasha?!" Shippou screamed, eyes widening with panic. "Kagome! Help me!"

"Uh…osuwari?" she said hesitantly, but it produced the desired effect. He was thrown violently to the ground, face first.

"Ow…" he moaned a second later. "What just happened?"

"Oh! Miroku-sama!" Kagome exclaimed, rushing to his side. "I'm so sorry, I-" she stopped as he rose to his knees and began to finger the beads around his neck. 

"What in the world…?" Slowly, he began to raise the restraining ward over his head. 

"No!" Kagome cried. "Don't take those off Miroku-sama!" 

"Heh. Stop me, bitch!" he growled, his voice changing as a wicked grin spread over his face. 

"Osuwari!" she cried again and he hit the ground hard. Struggling against the subduing spell, he raised his head up as high as he could and gave Kagome a murderous look. 

"Are you trying to kill me?!" two voices screamed simultaneously out of the same mouth, followed by a look of horror on the young man's face as he realized what it was he had just done. "Where's MirInoukuyasha?" he cried out, his voice breaking with panic. Kagome walked over to the struggling boy and helped him to his feet, taking his hand in her own. Sango joined them a second later, taking his other hand. Turning their back on the camp and an astonished Shippou, they guided him back to the hot spring.

Coaxing him to the water's edge, Kagome and Sango stood behind the boy as he looked down at his own reflection. 

"That's not mine…" Inuyasha whispered, reaching up to touch his nose, his eyes never leaving the glassy surface of the water. 

"Those eyes are." he said a moment later. "But I've only ever seen them on the nights when you're a human… The ears are mine. Look, they still have the gold hoops."

"Well I'll be damned…you're right." Listening to the boy before them carry out an entire conversation with himself soon became too disturbing for either woman. With a sideways glance at each other, they began to slowly back away from their friend. 

"We're going back to the camp so that you can be alone…" Sango shook her head and started again. "We're going back to camp. We'll send Shippou to bring you some clothing."

"Who's clothing do you want?" Kagome asked, trying to be helpful. 

"Mine." he chorused without looking up from the water. 

"Well, we'll just send them all…" Kagome breathed weakly.

"What did you just say?" he asked, frowning at his reflection.

"You couldn't hear me, Inuyasha?" It was strange, but she felt that she was already beginning to be able to differentiate between the two voices. 

"No," he huffed. "They're Miroku's stupid ears."

"Well maybe, but it's also my nose and I can smell…"

"Never mind what you can smell!" he growled at himself, "But you're right about that, I still have a strong nose."

"It must be yours on the inside, then…" 

"Well how can that be?"

"Well how should I know?" 

Taking that as their cue to depart, Kagome and Sango raced back to camp, leaving them to argue amongst himself. When they reached the camp, Shippou was hiding behind Kirara, looking very frightened and concerned. 

"Kagome, I'm scared!" he wailed, hopping into her arms.

"Me too, Shippou-chan." she said, hugging the furry little kit to her chest. "But do you think you're brave enough to bring him their clothing?" 

"I don't know…" he said, burying his face into her shoulder.

"Shippou-chan, it's still Miroku and Inuyasha." Sango said encouragingly, leaning in to pat the tiny kitsune on the head. "They're just more…concentrated…" she trailed off, shaking her head again. "No, that's not right…I'm so confused…"

Meanwhile, back at the spring, the boys were having a very heated discussion about who owned what. 

"I told you, stop touching it!" Inuyasha snarled. 

"But-"

"I'm serious bouzu! THAT'S mine!"

"I know it's yours! I wouldn't be in such a state of shock if it was mine! I WISH it was mine. It would be getting a lot more use, for one thing." 

"Fucking pervert…"

"Here you go Shippou-chan." Kagome said, plopping him onto Kirara's back. "Now don't be scared. Imagine how they must feel. We have to try to treat them like nothing's any different."

"But everything is different!" Shippou protested. "If Inuyasha can't pick on Miroku, then he's only ever gonna pick on me! And you won't sit him, cause then you'll be sitting Miroku, too! And Miroku's a monk with spiritual powers, what if he gets sick of Inuyasha's ward and removes it?! My poor head will be full of lumps all the time!" Shippou lamented his fate, hugging the top of his head with both arms and rocking back and forth. 

"Try to look on the bright side, Shippou-chan. Maybe Miroku will be able to keep Inuyasha from beating on you all the time." Sango said reassuringly.

"Maybe…" Shippou paused, considering things carefully. "Hey Sango, maybe Inuyasha will be able to keep Miroku from touching your ass all the time!"

"Shippou-chan!" Kagome cried, shoving the kit along past Sango, who's eyebrow had already begun to twitch uncontrollably. "I think it's about time you bring the boys their clothing. Just remember, whatever you do, don't tease them!"

"Gah! What, do you think I have a death wish?" Shippou cried as Kirara trotted off, back to the spring. 

"No! For the last time, NO!"

"Just once, Inuyasha! Can't we use it just one time? You won't regret it, I swear!"

"No! Sango's a good fighter and I respect her. If I let you do… what you want to do, then I'll never be able to look at her the same way again!" The monk's voice silenced in his head for a moment, as if considering things very carefully, before piping up again.

"Alright. How about Kagome-sama?"

Shippou arrived at the spring just in time to witness the black-haired young man trying his best to drown himself. 

"Stop!" he sputtered violently. "I was only kidding!" Between gulps of air, he sniffed out the kitsune. 

"Shippou!" he cried, running for the bank as fast as he could in the waist-deep water. "Go get help!"

"Stay out of this brat!" he snarled a second later before he punched himself in the gut. "You should have heard the perverted things this asshole was saying about Kagome!"

"Inuyasha calm down! You'll kill us!" he groaned, doubling over in pain. "Shippou…" 

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!" Shippou screamed, running in the other direction as fast as his little legs could carry him. Kirara watched him go, then laid down on the banks of the spring to watch the festivities. 

"Shippou-chan!" Kagome exclaimed as the little kitsune tore through the campsite screaming at the top of his lungs. In a flash, Sango hurled the Hiraikotsu into the ground and Shippou collided with it face-first, rolling backward for a few feet before finally stopping to land on his back.

"Sorry, Shippou-chan." Sango said, picking him up to check for bruises. "I hope you're not hurt. But what was that all about?"

"Sango!" he wailed, waving his arms up and down in the air. "He's crazy! He was screaming and trying to drown himself and it was the scariest thing I've ever seen in my whole life!" 

"Drown himself?!" Kagome exclaimed, her hands flying up to her face, "Sango, shouldn't we go stop him?"

"I wouldn't worry about it too much, Kagome-chan." Sango sighed. "My guess is that Houshi-sama said something perverted again and Inuyasha's just trying to straighten him out as usual."

"Yes, but…wow. That must be something to see…" Kagome sighed, a little wistfully before breaking into nervous laughter. 

"Oh dear, Kagome-chan." Sango sighed. "I have a feeling that you'll get to see plenty of that before this thing is over…"

As he struggled to pull himself out of the hot spring, half-drowned and thoroughly exhausted, he noticed Kirara resting on the bank. 

"Where were you five minutes ago?" he gasped wearily, his eyelips drooping as he spoke. 

"She was right here, moron." he said, jumping easily to his feet. "She came with the runt to drop off our clothes."

"Speaking of which," the monk said, staring at the two very different piles of clothing draped across Kirara's back, "how are we going to work this out?" 

"Simple." Inuyasha snorted. "We'll wear my fire rat kimono. It offers more protection."

"Yes. And it's hot and itches like it's made of bed bugs! My robes, however, are light and comfortable-"

"And perfectly useless in a battle!" 

"Well one thing's for certain. No one else is going to appreciate it if we don't come to some kind of decision. We're not going to be able to continue to run around like… this." he said, looking down at their naked body. "Though it will certainly turn a few heads…" 

"Don't start that again!" Inuyasha warned. "I know we can't go around naked, that's why we're going to wear my fire rat kimono!"

"And why do you get to decide?"

"Heh. Cause I'm stronger, and if you don't do what I say, I'll kick our ass again, that's why!" 

"Maybe physically," the monk countered, "but how much do you want to bet that I can figure out a way to lock your aura so deep inside this body that I'll be the only one controlling it?" Inuyasha fell silent for a moment, wondering if the hoshi had power enough to actually do it, or if he was bluffing. After a few minutes consideration, he reluctantly grumbled, 

"Alright, bouzu, let's talk."


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3

Inuyasha felt the corners of what had been his mouth up until a few seconds ago twitch upward as Miroku grinned. He found it rather galling that the body they shared could take on the outward manifestation of self-satisfaction when he was actually feeling quite displeased. 

"I'm glad to see that you're finally coming around to my way of thinking, Inuyasha." the monk said a bit too smugly for it to be intended as an actual sentiment.

_I don't like this…_

"Don't kid yourself." he shot back. "I just want to get this over with so that we can get the hell out of here. This place doesn't feel right." As if prompted by his words, a shiver raced down their spine. They were both more than willing to lay the blame on 'cool night breeze meets wet, naked skin.' 

"Have it your way." Miroku started up again, trying to distract them both from the feeling of unease that had settled in their belly. "But you must realize that _my_ needs, as well as your own, are going to have to be taken into consideration from now on. You can't just do whatever you want anymore."

_No, I don't like this. Not one bit…_

Inuyasha sighed grudgingly, resigning himself to their common fate. For once, the monk was right. They wouldn't be able to fix themselves, or in fact get very far from the clearing in general if they couldn't even manage to reach an agreement on something as insignificant as what to wear. 

"Then hurry up and tell me what you think it is that you need, bouzu. I don't have all night." 

"Well, I wouldn't mind the added protection of your haori, especially considering how badly you tend to abuse your body, and now that we're sharing this one…" Their face contorted into a mask of anticipatory pain as Miroku winced, unwilling to finish the thought. After a few tense seconds, he managed to shake off the feelings of impending doom and returned to their conversation.

"So armor is good," he began a little shakily, picking up the fire-rat coat from off of Kirara's back. He rubbed the coarse fabric between their fingers, taking it into consideration. "Hmm. The only problem is that I prefer a certain degree of softness in my attire-"

"That's because youare soft, you fucking hypocrite." the hanyou sneered. Completely unfazed by the insult, Miroku persisted. 

"-so whatever's directly touching our skin has to be something of mine. I don't like the way your clothing feels."

Inuyasha, however, was also feeling persistent.

"I thought you holy guys were supposed to be above all this worldly shit? Aren't you supposed to live in discomfort? You know, fasting, vow of poverty and all that other garbage?"

"ah…ha ha ha…yes, well-" Miroku laughed, unable to hide his growing discomfort. They soon discovered that one of their hands had crept up the length of their body and had come to rest at the back of their skull, scratching nervously. Inuyasha forced that arm down to cross over the other and rested them squarely against their chest. 

"You know, this has been bothering me for quite some time, come to think of it, and now I think I'm finally in the position to get a straight answer from you." 

They swallowed a growing lump; Miroku's doing.

"eh?"

"Just how the hell does someone like you become a monk?" Inuyasha demanded, reaching up to tweak at the gold hoops in their ears. "I'm being nice here and assuming that you really _are _a monk." He had been a bit too vigorous in his tugging, he realized now that it was too late to do anything about it. Their eyes were beginning to water.

"Don't do that again." Miroku hissed against the sting, rubbing the forearm of their accursed right hand across their eyes. Inuyasha couldn't resist the urge to reach up and touch their ears again, but this time, he did so gingerly, wincing at one point when a claw became momentarily caught in one of the hoops. 

"Why does that hurt so much?" he muttered, drawing his hand back quickly. 

"It's Sango." Miroku admitted with a miserable groan. "She's taken to dragging me about by the ears every time I ask a woman to bear my child. All that tugging makes the pierced area very tender."

"No shit." Inuyasha shook his head in solemn disbelief. He wasn't sure if he was gaining a new appreciation for the monk's fortitude, or if he'd just been convinced that his friend was much more stupid than previously believed. "Well, in that case, I won't do it again."

"You say that now…"

"No, I mean it. I can feel it as much as you can. Besides, I know how it feels to not want your ears touched."

"Oh? I guess you would, wouldn't you? You know, I almost wish that we had gotten your ears. Women seem to think-"

"Oi! Just because I won't tug on your ears doesn't mean I won't kick your ass!" he growled. "Get your mind out of our pants! Which reminds me, you still haven't answered my question. How does a no-account thieving pervert like yourself get to be called houshi-sama?" 

Miroku was only half-listening. He found that he liked very much the way their body vibrated when Inuyasha growled. It called forth some lovely mental images of how such a thrumming might be used in practical applications, and it had the unlikely result of putting the monk in a much better mood than he'd been in all night. 

"Well, let's just say that the 'powers that be' tend to look the other way on certain issues when you could just as easily suck them into the hole in your right hand." he laughed amicably. "That, and the man who ordained me was drunk at the time, so he was hardly in a position to criticize, ne? Now let's get back to the situation at hand. Much as I enjoy standing here reminiscing with you in the nude, it's a bit chilly out tonight and the bugs are going to start eating us very soon." 

Inuyasha was more than a little perplexed by Miroku's sudden change in attitude, but he tried to keep it from showing. He didn't want the monk to think that he had somehow gotten the upper hand. Trying to seem casual and unaffected, he shrugged. 

"Yeah, alright. So, what, you wanted this thing?" he asked, bending down next to Kirara to retrieve the long purple inner robes that belonged to Miroku. Their hands waded through seemingly endless expanses of purple fabric, when Miroku broke the stillness of the heavy night air with a surprised yelp. Reacting on instinct, Inuyasha slapped at the spot on their left thigh where they had felt the small, sharp jab. 

"What did I tell you? Damn mosquitoes…" Miroku cursed. 

"That isn't a mosquito…" Inuyasha sighed, bringing his hand up to their face to reveal a slightly stunned flea youkai, still recovering from the force of their slap. "Myouga, you little bitch. I was wondering when you'd finally show up."

"Forgive me, Inuyasha-sama, but I couldn't help myself. The curiosity was overwhelming! Oh, what an experience! It's been such a long time since I've tasted anything that different. What a novelty…" Myouga sighed happily, a look of sheer bliss on his tiny face as he rolled around on his fat little back.

"I'm so happy for you. Listen flea, do you have any idea as to what the hell is going on here?"

"Yes, Myouga-jiisan. What did you mean a minute ago when you said that it's been such a long time? Have you come across this sort of situation before?" Their eyes were shining hopefully, and they looked so anxious that Myouga suddenly began to feel very guilty; First for drinking their blood and reveling in it like a drunken fool, then for getting their hopes up with a few careless words. 

"Ah…well, you see…that is…" he shifted uncomfortably, avoiding those shining eyes. When he didn't continue after a few seconds, Inuyasha grabbed the flea demon savagely between his thumb and forefinger. 

"Oi, Myouga-jiji!" he snarled. "If you know anything about this, then you'd better start talking or I'm going to start squeezing!"

"H-houshi-sama, please!" the tiny vassal squealed, squirming in their grasp. "Make him listen to reason!"

"Inuyasha…" the man said reproachfully, the glint in his eye softening somewhat. The squeezing abruptly stopped, and some of the pressure eased off of the tiny flea-youkai.

"Oh, thank you houshi-sama!" the flea gasped out, tiny beads of sweat breaking on his forehead in relief. "I thank you a thousand times over for saving this Myouga!" 

"Inuyasha," Miroku continued, "Squeeze a little closer to the middle. That way, when his head explodes, we won't get blood under our claws."

"Ah! NO!!!" Myouga screamed, squirming with renewed abandon. "Inuyasha-sama! Miroku-sama! Please, listen!" The young man smiled evilly and tossed Myouga a few inches into the air, snapped his arm around and caught him in his fist. 

"Alright jiji, start talking!" he said, peering into his closed fist through the tiny hole made by his thumb and finger. 

"C-can't…c-can't breath…." came the tiny, labored reply.

"Oh alright! Stop being so dramatic. Here…" The boy reluctantly uncurled his fist, holding his palm out flat. As soon as the large, oppressive fingers were off of his little prone body, Myouga was away. The young man blinked in surprise, staring for a second at his empty palm, before his head shot up and he began to look around frantically.

"Hey! Get back here you little shit!" 

Unseen as he left the clearing on the back of a passing moth, Myouga called back over his shoulder, 

"Sorry m'lords, but I have no idea at the moment! I'll return when you're in better moods! Sayonara, Inuyasha-samaaaaaaaaaaaa!" His tiny voice quickly faded from their ears, becoming a mesh with the chirping of crickets and the rustling of the trees.

"Son of a bitch!" the young man swore darkly, flexing his claws in anger as a feral growl ripped through his body. 

"Heh. You've got that right, bouzu."

~ 

"Where are you going, Kagome-chan?" Sango called after her friend as she caught sight of the girl heading back toward the scene of devastation. 

"I'm going to find that shikon no kakera." Kagome called back. "In all the commotion, I'd completely forgotten about it, but since we've been sitting here…" she trailed off, squinting in the darkness.

"You can sense the shard, Kagome-chan?"

"Hai" she said absently, kicking over a rock in her path. "It's somewhere out here…"

"Oh. I see." 

"Is something wrong, Sango?" A little voice piped up from around her ankles. 

"No…well, it's just that I thought for certain that the kakera must have been _inside_ of them…the boys, I mean."

"Uh-uh. I would have seen it if it had been inside of them, Sango-chan." Kagome frowned as she scanned the ground in front of her, searching for the tell-tale glow of the scorpion's shard. Several yards from the camp, she came upon a shallow pit. It was maybe four feet deep at most, but its circumference spanned several hundred feet. This must have been where the beast had fallen in the seconds before its body had disintegrated. Kagome carefully made her way down the rocky slope, trying her best not to slide on any loose gravel that would result in her reaching the bottom the fast and painful way. 

A quick search indicated that it wasn't in the center of the pit, which made sense, since the shard had been lodged in the stinger. Her best odds would be to circle the perimeter. About ten minutes into a fruitless search, she came upon a large area where the surrounding stones were stained a dark, evil-looking color that could only be human blood. 

_'Miroku-sama's blood…' _she realized sadly. _'Inuyasha's blood…'_

As distressing as this revelation was, it was within that foul mess that she discovered what she had been looking for.

"I found it!" she cried. Wincing, she reached reluctant fingers into that sticky, rank unpleasantness and retrieved the shard. When she had wiped both the shard and her fingers clean, she jumped up and waved it over her head. 

"See? I've got it!" she called to them. Then before anything else could happen along, she pocketed the shard and high-tailed it out of that creepy place. 

Just as Kagome was making her way back into the remains of their camp, she and the others were greeted by the familiar sound of golden rings hitting metal in the steady, rhythmic intervals that usually signaled the approach of a certain houshi. Since the moment that Miroku had joined their small band of travelers, that faint jingling sound had never ceased to amuse Kagome. It reminded her very much of the collar that her mother had put on their cat, the one with the small bell on it that was meant to warn the birds and small rodents that a predator was on the loose. What was even more amusing was the fact that, while in many ways, Miroku-sama was also a predator, Bouyo was, in actuality, much more successful at catching his prey. She often wondered, in jest, which sound was more horror inspiring; the jingle of Bouyo's bell in the ears of a trapped field mouse, or the jingle of the houshi's rings approaching an unguarded woman from behind. But that had been under different circumstances, and today, the sound only served to make her feel apprehensive. 

Both women watched in anticipation, waiting to see the young man step out of the dense underbrush and into the camp. What they eventually saw made them blink in surprise. Purple robes fell to their ankles, the hem resting a few inches above bare feet. Glimpses of a similar violet peeked out from over the collar and between the shoulders and sleeves of Inuyasha's fire-rat haori, which they wore over the robes as a sort of overcoat, the long tails hanging loosely by their sides, as they had no waistband to be tucked into, and belted by another swath of purple fabric. In their right hand they held Miroku's staff; the Tetsusaiga rested at their left hip. 

"What is that supposed to be?" came the gravelly whisper into Sango's ear, as the kitsune on her shoulder glanced distrustfully at the young man's choice of attire.

"This may be difficult to believe, Shippou-chan, but I think that's a _compromise_." Sango whispered back, her eyes wide in amazement.

"Somehow, I think I'm more frightened than before!" Shippou squeaked softly before scrambling to hide behind the soft fall of Sango's hair. 

"Hello." Kagome smiled at the boy, fighting to keep down the veritable flock of butterflies that seemed to have taken up residence inside of her.

"Hello (Right)." he greeted them cordially enough while muttering darkly to himself.

"I really wish he wouldn't do that." Shippou whimpered from the new position he'd taken behind the taijiya's other ear. "It's really creepy."

"Shippou-chan!" Kagome scolded in a harsh whisper. She looked over at the young man to see if he had heard the kitsune's insensitive comment, but it appeared that he hadn't. 

_Thank god for Miroku's ears…_

"So… what do you guys want to do now?" Kagome asked awkwardly, her face suffusing entirely against her will with a slight blush when those stormy, violet eyes turned from Sango to fall upon her. 

"The same thing we always do." he huffed, scowling at her from beneath the dark fringe of his bangs. "Let's get moving. We've wasted enough time here already."

"Yes, and I'm anxious to leave this place…" he added a moment later, his face softening as he offered her an encouraging smile.

_Talk about mixed signals… _she sighed to herself. _I wouldn't even know where to begin._

Taking that as the signal to leave, Sango and Shippou sidled up to Kirara, but as Kagome headed over to join them, the young man quickly shoved his staff at Sango and dropped into a crouch in front of Kagome, offering his back. 

Kagome hesitated, looking first to Shippou, who looked horrified and shook his head with a violent _NO_, then to Sango, who nodded, though a bit uncertainly, her eyes pleading. 

__

Remember, Kagome-chan…think how they must feel… 

Nodding back determinedly, Kagome walked up to the boy and without another moments hesitation, climbed onto his back. When he hooked his elbows under her knees and rose to his feet, she was elated to discover that every little nuance was exactly the same as it had always been. She shot a reassuring grin over his head to the grim-faced pair standing next to Kirara, after which a large, collective sigh of relief worked it's way through the camp. Satisfied, Sango and Shippou climbed up onto Kirara. They were just about to take to the air when they heard the sound of an indignant squeal from behind.

"EEEEEK! Pervert! Osuwari!" 

They turned around in time to see Kagome jump off the back of the black haired young man, who was now laying prostrate on the ground, his face buried in an inch of gravel. Kagome ran over to Kirara and hopped up behind Sango, grabbing tightly onto the taijiya, though more for protection than fear of falling off.

"Go!" she shouted. 

"But Kagome-chan, what about-"

"They'll catch up!" she snapped. Back on the ground, the young man managed to pull his face up from the dent it had made in the hard earth to watch their ascent into the sky. 

"Why?" he groaned, before answering himself a second later.

"I couldn't help myself."


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4 

After traveling a few miles from their previous camp, a vote was taken and the majority decided that they still needed to stop somewhere for the night. It had been early into the evening when their first camp had been demolished, and by now, everyone who hadn't been physically altered within the last few hours was too exhausted to go on. 

"I don't see why you should be complaining…" Sango sighed wearily as she rested Hiraikotsu on the ground. "It seems to me that if anyone should be exhausted, it's you two." 

"My apologies, Sango, but I couldn't sleep now if I wanted to. My mind is racing…"

_Ah, polite conversation and a smooth manner…_ she noted, smiling to herself. _That's Houshi-sama. I'm getting better at this._

"It's a lot to think about." she agreed, sitting a short distance from him; just far enough to be out of range.

"Yes it is…" 

He fell silent, and Sango let her eyes wander around the camp so that they wouldn't have to stare at each other uncomfortably. Across the fire, Kagome was already curled up in her sleeping bag, with Shippou tucked snugly under her chin. She suspected that they'd been asleep from the moment they'd toppled gracelessly from Kirara's back into the camp. The unrolling of the sleeping bag had more than likely been an amazing feat of somnambulism. Not that she faulted them for it. She was eager to join them. Stifling the yawn that watching her snoring friends had prompted, she allowed her eyes to wander back over to the troubled face beside her. 

"I take it you'll want first watch then?" she asked hopefully. It was obvious that he had been lost in thought, because it took him a while to realize that she had been speaking to him. When she could tell by his expression that her words had finally registered, she offered him a rueful grin. 

"I don't want you to think that I'm being insensitive to your predicament, but if you're going to be up anyway…" 

"No," he said quickly, "I agree. That's fine, I'm not tired yet."

"What about you, Inuyasha? Want to go next?" she asked, raising her voice. The young man's eyes lit up with amusement at this, and Sango began to feel rather embarrassed. 

_Baka!_ she scolded herself, _It's not like_ _he's underwater…_

"I'm sorry, that was foolish of me." she apologized, lowering her lips to brush the tip of her knuckle. Miroku laughed softly and shook his head. 

"You misunderstand me, Sango. I'm smiling because even though I am sitting here talking to you, Inuyasha is already asleep." 

"Asleep?" 

"Yes. I felt him go down a few minutes after we stopped moving." 

"That's so odd…" she whispered, "It must feel so strange, houshi-sama. Like being possessed." Miroku nodded, his lips stretching into a tight, tense line as the smile vanished.

"It does. I'm actually quite surprised that he went to sleep first. You know how guarded he is. I wouldn't have thought that he'd feel comfortable leaving me in complete control of our faculties." 

"That's true," Sango agreed, frowning. "and I've never known him to be much for sleeping, either. He almost always takes first watch. Do you think something might be wrong?" 

"I don't know. All I can tell you is that whether he cares to admit it or not, he's feeling very drained. Maybe it's the shock, or maybe it's because there is so much human blood flowing through our veins. At any rate, I'm sure he'll be back to his charming old self in the morning. Why don't you get some sleep, Sango? I'll wake Inuyasha if I get too tired. There's no need for you to stay up, and if you don't mind, I think I'd rather be alone with my thoughts."

"Alright, Houshi-sama. But wake me if you need anything." she cautioned.

"That is very kind of you to offer, Sango, but I would be afraid of waking Inuyasha. Perhaps another time?" 

"Youuuu…" She raised her fist above her head…and then dropped it back to her side ineffectually. 

"You are _very_ lucky that I am feeling sorry for Inuyasha tonight." she seethed, popping the knuckles on her fist in frustration. "He's already been pummeled once because of you, and I won't be the one to wake him with a second beating when he needs the rest!" Raising quickly before she could change her mind, Sango moved to the other side of the fire to sleep between Kagome and Kirara. 

"Goodnight, hentai. I strongly suggest that you keep your hands to yourself." 

"Humph…" he grumbled under his breath, "Let's see if they remember that there are two people inside this body the next time _Kikyo-sama_ shows up." 

~

_'Inuyasha' _

There was that irritating voice again. Why wouldn't it go away and leave him alone like he'd already told it twice before? Persistent little fuck…

_'Inuyasha,' _the voice said patiently,_ 'I'm not going to stop.'_

_'mmmnnn… what do you want?' _

'It's time for your watch. I need to sleep.'

'Fuck you bouzu. MY turn to sleep…' he mumbled, slipping back into the dark recesses of their shared cranium.

'Inuyasha?'

'Mmmmnnnn…'

'Inuyasha!'

'Wha…? Go away, Miroku, I'm tired…' 

'INUYASHA!' The scream reverberated off of their skull, inciting the hanyou to pull himself out of the mire of his unconscious state. 

'Rrrrrrr…Ok!…I'm up! Shit…don't yell like that.'

'Don't worry,' the voice inside of his head assured him._ 'No one else could hear it.' _

_'I could hear it!' _he grumbled.

__

'Good. Then it served its purpose. I'm going to sleep now,' the monk instructed,_ 'You have to keep watch.'_

_'Oh…right. Ok.' _

_'Arigatou…'_ The houshi's voice was already fading from their head, drifting off.

As Inuyasha slowly became more aware, he found that he was sitting up, his open eyes staring at the glowing embers of a dying campfire. 

"How did I get here?" he whispered, looking around. Across the smoky little pit, he could just make out the dark silhouettes of his sleeping companions. He remained still for a few moments, shaking the last little bits of grogginess from his mind. A cool breeze blew through the clearing, and the few cinders that hadn't burned away leapt out to glow brightly, revealing themselves amongst the dark ash. 

"Damn it, Miroku. You always let the fire die." he muttered in disgust. Now he would have to search around in the dark for more kindling. Hoping that he wouldn't have to get up, he patted the ground around him, searching for sticks. What he found instead were a bunch of wet, sticky leaves, lying to his immediate left. 

_'Slugs?' _ he alternately hoped and dreaded, bringing his hand curiously to his nose while he tried not to gag at the thought. One sniff, however, confirmed that it was not the work of those slimy little invertebrates. One sniff also confirmed that someone very close to him was about to die. He knew this scent, very well, in fact. There was no mistaking his own. 

__

'Oi, Miroku!' He let his inner voice prod at the other presence lying dormant within his head, working in the same manner as the lecherous monk. He was just glad that the others wouldn't be able to hear this argument. 

__

'MIROKU!'

'…hmmm? Nande?' 

'What the hell have you been doing out here?!'

The houshi suddenly became very still, and if Inuyasha hadn't been able to sense his presence fluttering nearby, he might have thought that he was alone inside of his head once again.

_'I know you're there, asshole.'_

'…uh…listen…' Miroku managed finally.

'UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE!' Inuyasha screamed, silencing the monk. He grabbed hold of their forearm and ran the claw of his thumb down the back, leaving a deep gash. The pain made him flinch, but it was worth it to hear the sharp intake of breath that accompanied, a sound that _he_ hadn't been responsible for. 

__

'I thought I told you to keep your hands off, bouzu?' 

'Inuyasha!'

'You got a fascination with bodily fluids?! Fine! I'll make us bleed some more!'

'Stop right there!' 

The wounded arm struggled out of the vise-like grip of it's partner's fist. Before the other arm could react, it shot out to the side and grabbed the monk's staff, proceeding to whack them both soundly on the head.

'It wasn't my fault this time!' Miroku protested, steeling himself against the pain as he forced the staff down upon their head a second time._ 'I was cleaning up after you!'_

'Nani?' Inuyasha growled, sending their other arm above their head to deflect the blows. 

'That was one very intense dream, Inuyasha!'

The staff fell from their hands to the ground with a discordant jangle. 

'wha- …bu-…' Inuyasha sputtered, beforeinevitablyturning defensive. _'I don't know what you're talking about! Stop trying to throw me off! I know what you were doing.' _

'Don't bother to deny it.' Miroku said calmly. _'I saw it all, quite vividly. It was most distracting. It certainly made keeping watch difficult; I practically had to sit on my hands.'_

'Shut up! You did not!' 

'We were sitting up in a tree, by a spring. Kagome-sama was bathing just a few yards below…' 

'You're making this up! Stop it!' 

'We had to be very quiet so that we wouldn't be discovered,' the monk continued unabashedly,_ 'but she must have known we were there all along, because she called out to us and asked if we wanted to… Well, I'll just say 'wash her back', but I think that you remember what actually transpired.'_

'This isn't happening… I am NOT talking to you about this!' 

'I wasn't going to say anything. I'm a man; I understand that these things happen. But you attacked us, so what else could I do?' 

'You fucking pervert,' Inuyasha whispered venomously, _ 'if you ever breath a word of this to anyone I swear that I'll kill you! I don't know how, but I will! I'll find a way.'_

'Say what you will about me, but it wasn't MY dream, Inuyasha. I don't generally climb trees.'

~

The following morning found the small band of travelers back on the road, plodding along in a silent, over-exhausted daze left over from the hectic events of the night before. Silent, that is, except for a certain dark-haired young man who couldn't seem to stop arguing with himself. 

"I can no longer _phhppt!_ abide all of this hair in my face!" he cried out, waving his hands over-zealously at an invisible stray hair that kept tickling at the tip of his nose. "I'm tying it back!"

__

"No!" he nearly shouted in protest, "I hate it! It makes my ears hurt!"

__

"That's ridiculous, it does no such thing!"

__

"What the hell do you want from me? It's the truth!"

"What do I want?! I want to tie our hair back!"

"Please!" Sango cried, having to yell just to be heard over the ruckus. "Can't you two stop bickering for even a minute? This is getting ridiculous!"

__

"Sango, how would you feel if you had to share a body with this irrational moron?" the young man snapped, turning to glare at the taijiya.

__

"Houshi-sama," she began tiredly, "I know that Inuyasha can be stubborn and irritating at times, but-" 

__

"HEY! What the fuck?!" the boy screamed, "I _am _Inuyasha! I was talking about Miroku!" 

"Oh!" Sango gasped, turning her head in embarrassment.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean, 'stubborn and irritating'? At least I've never groped you! Why are you always so quick to jump to _his_ defense?"

"Inuyasha!" Kagome warned. 

"Ha-ha! Why do you keep arguing with yourself, Inoku?" Shippou laughed, leaning over from Kagome's shoulder to tug at a stray lock of their hair. 

"What the hell did you just call me?!" they demanded, turning to sneer threateningly at the kit, fangs at the ready.

"Waaah! Kagome!" Shippou wailed, scrambling around to the girl's other shoulder, the one farthest from 'Inoku' that offered the added protection of Kagome's head as a buffer. Kagome frowned darkly and scolded the young man. 

"For crying out loud, it was just a joke, Inuyasha. Calm down!"

"I resent the implication!" he said angrily. "And why do you automatically assume that it's Inuyasha?" 

Now it was Kagome's turn to suffer embarrassment. Picking up speed, she caught up with Sango, who in an attempted to escape the uncomfortable situation had gone up ahead. 

"Those two are starting to rub off on each other." Kagome whispered out of the side of her mouth.

"I know." Sango whispered back. "I don't like it."

"I think they're going crazy." Shippou confided in them, adding his own two cents to the conversation.

"Shippou-chan!" Kagome whispered harshly.

"Honest Kagome!" the fox-child insisted. "Have you listened to what's going on back there?" Curiosity peaked by Shippou's words, the women paused in their surreptitious conversation to listen once more.

"I don't care if it usually works! Get it into your thick skull, we don't _have _dog ears!"

"Alright," said Kagome, "I'll admit that to the innocent bystander, that might sound a little strange."

"A little?" Shippou squeaked in disbelief, "He's provoking himself!"

"Shippou's right in a way, Kagome-chan." Sango said in a hushed voice. "If those two haven't learned how to either get along or keep quiet by the time we reach the next village, there could be trouble."

__


	5. Chapter 5

*Author's Note: Huge hugs to Merith for going above and beyond (and until the wee hours of the morning) going over this chapter.*

Part 5

There is an old western adage that cautions "Speak of the devil, and he shall appear." This saying was intended to discourage people from discussing unpleasant matters or making dire predictions, for fear that giving name to such things bestowed them with a certain power, and would result in their actually happening. Of course, Sango was not privy to this saying or it's implications, so everything that followed was readily attributed to bad karma, and not the ominous speculation that she made on their first day out with their "new friend". 

It was only natural that they should seek out a village. They needed the occasional pampering of a hot meal and bathing facilities that a village offered, this was not in dispute, but there were also many practical reasons as well. Aside from the physical comforts, a village meant people, and people nearly always promised gossip. If one were an excellent listener, as was Miroku's strong suit, then between the delighted tittering of new marriages and the good-natured cursing of the varied ailments of old age, a shard-related rumor could usually be extracted. Perhaps someone had heard of a nearby village plagued by unusually active youkai, or perhaps there had been a number of strange disappearances to the north. No matter how vague, if one could properly peel back the thick layers of myth and exaggeration, useful snippets of information could be gleaned. 

So it was that despite their admitted anxiety over the problematic behavior of their friend, when the others saw the high roof of a somewhat stately home peeking over the horizon line, it was never questioned whether or not they should stop there for the night. In fact, upon spotting it himself, Inoku commented rather gravely, "Oh dear. Look at that ominous black cloud." This comment received a rather contemptuous snort from the other personality hitherto lying silent within him, but undaunted, the young man continued, "Scoff if you like, my friend, but this village is in dire need of a holy man." 

"Right," he answered back with a sneer, "Too bad we don't know any." 

"Why are you in such a foul mood?" the monk asked impatiently, then added mostly under his breath, "I ask as though you ever needed a reason."

"Cause you're lying!" the hanyou retorted, then added in a low grumble, "I always knew you were lying."

"How is that?" the young man asked himself innocently.

"I don't see any black cloud!" he snarled, his lip curling up in anger and disgust.

"Ah, that. A simple misunderstanding," the more satiny of the two voices explained, "Allow me to clarify. I do not _see_ evil auras so much as _intuit_ them." 

"Liar." the grumbler muttered darkly. Both fell silent for a few moments, and then the dark young man said bluntly, "Look, do you want to eat tonight or not?"

"I see it too." Kagome piped up, breaking it up. It wasn't even a particularly convincing lie, but the matter was effectively settled after that. 

They made their way to the village shortly before dusk. The typical plan was to waste no time in seeking out the owner of the most splendid house, but there were unforeseen complications between the road-worn travelers and their goal. For as the fates would have it, it seems that this particular village was comprised almost entirely of buxom young war widows and their aged fathers. 

"This place…" the young man murmured in astonishment, his eyes glowing with an unwholesome light as they fell upon a well-rounded pair of hips that sauntered by. If he hadn't been so thoroughly schooled at maintaining a countenance of humble piety, his jaw might have gone slack, and their longer-than-human tongue might have come lolling out. As it was, those who were familiar with the baser aspects of his personality weren't fooled in the slightest; And some were more painfully aware of it than others. 

"I don't want to stay here." Inuyasha said abruptly; the statement was hard and flat, and just as brittle as dried noodles.

"And why not?" the monk demanded as another attractive pedestrian wandered past, catching their eye and offering back a timid smile. "The local scenery is…breathtaking."

"Maybe it _would_ be wise to move on." Kagome said, casting a cautious glance at her friend, the taijiya. 

"Nonsense!" Inoku insisted, "This place seems perfectly respectable, and I am certain that it will prove a veritable fount of information. In fact, I propose that we head toward that large estate directly. I'm anxious to speak with the good people of this village."

"Can't imagine WHY." Shippou grumbled to himself from his perch on Kagome's shoulder. 

"We'll stay!" Sango snapped suddenly, her tone leaving no room for further argument, but she turned an especially critical eye on the boys. "You just be sure to remember why we're here."

"Of course, Sango." he replied easily. "We're here to search for shard rumors. I, for one, intend to use all of my talents and abilities to their fullest in seeking them out. In fact, I will personally question each and every inhabitant of this charming little village, if necessary." As he had spoken, his eyes had steadily strayed from Sango's face to the far left, and were currently fixed on the lower back portion of a soft yellow kimono. Sango's face betrayed no particular emotion, but an instant later Kirara squeaked with the furious indignation that can only be attributed to a kitten who has been squeezed a bit too violently, and abandoned the warm cradle of the taijiya's arms.

"Let's get this over with." Kagome suggested hurriedly, and linking her arm in Sango's, she lead away the silently fuming girl. The two miniature youkai followed closely behind, and the young man took up the rear, maintaining a safe, respectable distance.

"What's the matter with Sango?" he whispered under his breath, his lips barely moving. "I would think she'd be pleased that I've given my assurance to take things here seriously." He was about to answer himself when a pretty young thing turned around to look at him with an expression of puzzlement on her face. He offered back a brilliant smile, and she smiled back demurely, his momentary peculiarity forgotten. When she had gone back about her business, he pretended to cough into his fist and whispered, "Maybe it would have helped your argument if you hadn't been drooling at the time."

As they continued through the center of town, the parade of unescorted women they encountered seemed endless. Smiles of all sorts greeted the boys as they passed by, ranging from modest approval to some that were downright suggestive. When their head turned to follow the swaying curves of yet another young girl who couldn't possibly have been a day over fourteen, Inuyasha drove the butt of Miroku's staff into their foot, grinding it into the skin and bone. The houshi started at the sudden and unexpected pain, but managed to suppress the yelp that wanted to fly from his mouth. 

"What?" Miroku hissed fiercely under their breath, making an effort to pull the blunt end of the staff from off their foot. "You said you wouldn't compromise Kagome-sama or Sango. _That_ was neither!"

"And you call me dense." Inuyasha grunted in disgust. "You know how much it pisses them off. I don't feel like getting pounded today, so keep our eyes on the road and our hands in our sleeves."

"Fine." Miroku muttered darkly. "But I am really starting to wonder about you."

Inuyasha growled. "Fuck off."

"If only."

"Just because I don't let my hands wander doesn't make me some kind of freak." he whispered, jerking a thumb at their chest. "You are not a normal person, you know! Not everyone has your perverted-" 

At that moment, his coarse voice fell silent, and the argument dried up and disintegrated. He wasn't entirely sure, but he could almost swear that there was a hand on their backside. Whipping around, they came face to face with a lusty young woman of nearly twenty years who looked them brazenly in the eye, then drifted silently past, pausing for the span of a few breaths to shoot them a promise-laden wink. 

"What the hell just happened?!" Inuyasha squeaked, their eyes nearly bugging out of their head. "Did she just do…" 

"Kami-sama be praised…" Miroku murmured sublimely, following the girl's departure with a wholly new appreciation for their situation. "Inuyasha, do you realize that these women have been without male companionship for quite some time? And being widows, I'd venture to say that most of them are hardly virgins."

"So?"

"So?" he echoed incredulously, "So? This is every man's fantasy come to life before our eyes!" The young man opened his arms wide, as if in his fondness for his surroundings he hoped to pull the entire village into an embrace. "My formerly dog-eared friend," he implored, pulling the village's rich scent of earth and smoke to the very bottom of their lungs, "we have been presented with the chance of a lifetime! Would you simply throw that away like so much garbage?" 

"Let's pretend for one moment that all of the women in this village don't look exactly alike to me," Inuyasha said caustically, "and while we're at it, that I've completely forgotten that I already have two women screwing with my life, and that's two too many. Even ignoring all that other shit, I _still_ wouldn't want to do anything with _you_ tagging along, do you understand?"

"I see…," the monk said quietly, "Is it a territorial issue?"

"More like an 'I don't wanna vomit' issue! The last thing I wanna hear while I'm…I'm…" 

"Yes, yes," Miroku said impatiently with a dismissive wave of their hand. Inuyasha frowned, but continued.

"…is your voice in my head! Or worse! Coming out of my own mouth-"

"Actually, I believe that it's _my_ mouth," the monk corrected softly. 

"What the hell are you-"

"Your lips were thinner," he added quickly. 

"That's not the point!" Inuyasha screamed, prompting Sango and Kagome to look back over their shoulders at him, casting twin glares that could have withered bamboo. The young man's face was immediately apologetic, but their frowns remained. It was a mercy when they eventually gave in to their disgust and turned their backs to him, at which point Miroku sank one of their cruelly sharp fangs into the soft flesh of their tongue. 

_Idiot! _he barkedsilently,_ We're supposed to be behaving like a normal, civilized human being. You're making us look bad!_

Me?! You're the one-

Really, Inuyasha, sometimes your lack of self control is truly distressing to me. 

_ Shut up, bouzu. Just shut the fuck up._ They continued on in complete silence after that, both inside and out, for the remainder of their walk up to the estate. They passed the time attempting to swallow the feelings of anger and frustration that sat heavily in their shared throat, both still believing in their naivety that it was solely their own. 

__

There was no one guarding the front entrance of the large estate, but they were greeted by a severe-looking woman and a young girl, the former of which asked them their business with the headman. Shortly afterward, they were lead through the courtyard and into the hall by the woman and her thirteen-year-old daughter, who was apparently in training to assume a position similar to her mother's in the household. The headman greeted them in the hall with a low bow, and welcomed them warmly into his home, as though they were long-awaited, highly anticipated foreign emissaries, and not essentially a passel of vagabonds. 

He was an elderly gentleman who may have been a scholar in his youth; possibly a scribe in later years. He had that look about him that hinted at a good deal of intelligence. There was a mirthful twinkling in his eyes, though it was obvious by the way he squinted that he had trouble seeing nowadays, and calm, dignified manner that was all the more comforting when coupled with his casualness in his speech and stance. His voice held the soft rasp of old age, and when he laughed, the sound of it was dry and almost noiseless. Miroku briefly explained their reason for calling, and the elderly gentleman bade them sit down. He sat across from them, assisted onto the ground by the younger of the two women who had lead them in. 

"You'll forgive my impertinence," he began in a gentle, thoughtful manner, "but it is a strange sort of monk that carries a blade at his side."

"Not if you consider the times, milord. Surely one such as yourself would not begrudge a man who frequently travels the hazardous road a measure of protection, especially one with two young and beautiful companions in his care." The young monk indicated with one hand to the two women sitting beside him, to his left. The headman may have spotted the long claws at the end of the monk's fingers when he lifted his hand, but if he did, he kept this information to himself. 

"Still, I would have thought it to be in conflict with your vows." His polite tone could not mask entirely the hint of curiosity in his voice, curiosity that could quickly make the transition into suspicion if they weren't too careful.

"That it is, milord," Miroku said evenly, comfortable in the lie, "but if it sets your mind at ease, I have yet to encounter a situation that warranted its use. Its purpose serves mostly for show, to ward off any would-be attackers. I find that it keeps honest men honest."

"If _I _may be so bold, sir," Sango interrupted, trying to take some of the attention off of the boys, "it is a strange sort of village that you keep here."

"There may have been some truth to that at one time, my dear girl, but as your friend the houshi has stated himself, it is not so strange if you consider the times. I was not surprised in the least when you appeared at our door and told us of the ominous black cloud hanging over this house. As you can plainly see, this village has had more than its share of sorrow. You have noticed our complete lack of able-bodied young men, I am sure." 

Sango nodded in concurrence. "It would have been difficult not to, sir."

"These are dark and dangerous times, as your friend has said. This village of ours is made up entirely of the sad souls that war leaves behind; the forgotten young widows of soldiers, the elderly fathers who were no longer of use in battle. We fled from the charred ruins of our former villages and became lost upon the road, the wandering homeless. The only fortunate turn we've had was the discovery of this village. Here, too, the young men had left for war and never returned. Those who had been left behind welcomed us unfortunate wanderers into their midst without a moment's hesitation, and we continue to welcome the homeless into our home. You must have come across other villages similar to ours in your long travels. I cannot believe that we are so unusual, for those of us spared by the ravages of war often band together and build anew, is that not so?"

"Quite so, milord. Yet it is strange that you have been able to remain here for so long unmolested." Miroku observed.

"Only by the graces of the gods, houshi-sama, and the fact that this area is not strategically advantageous to the daimyos. Yet despite our good fortune in that one aspect, we have been most unfortunate in another."

"The lack of young men."

"Yes, the lack of young men. But more importantly, the lack of births. In order to maintain a village, there must be new villagers. The only new arrivals this village has seen since its reestablishment have been the kind that travel in by way of the main road. Between you and I, most of the men here are too aged by far to be inclined to fatherhood, and the women being as young and as fair as they are… Well, it has been cause for some problems. Were that not enough, by some strange twist of fate, not a single woman has entered this village heavy with child. If things do not improve, our small community cannot hope to survive. Is that not exceedingly troubling?"

"It is, milord," Miroku said quickly, "It may be that there are dark spirits at work, in which case an exorcism-"

"An exorcism may be just the thing," the headman agreed ardently, "But I'm afraid that we have no means of payment. Do not allow this lavish setting to fool you, we have little more than the clothing on our backs." 

"We ask no more than a meal and a night's lodging," the monk assured him. "We intend to leave first thing tomorrow morning." The headman smiled warmly, his rheumy eyes crinkling in obvious pleasure as he nodded his head in agreement. 

"That is something we can offer, though I must confess that I find your haste to leave again so soon a little upsetting. Perhaps once you have experienced our hospitality, you will feel more inclined to stay. Your young ladies are more than welcome here, and you, my son…your arrival this evening has been an answer to many of our prayers. You could help us in ways that far outweigh any exorcism. I understand that you have your vows to consider," he said sagely, closing his eyes and holding up one withered hand to stay the lad's tongue until he was finished speaking, "but I am certain that you would not find life here to be in any way…unenjoyable." 

Inoku looked carefully at the old man, uncertain if he was inferring correctly from what he had just heard, and suddenly feeling very optimistic. Kagome blushed. Sango glowered. 

"But never mind that now." the old man said hurriedly before that questioning look could be vocalized, "Why don't you get to work and I'll have the village daughters prepare your meals and bedding. I assume that you will be requiring separate rooms?" he asked the young monk, his voice lilting up hopefully. Smiling in glorious comprehension, Inoku nodded his head emphatically, then open his mouth and nearly shouted "No!" 

"Actually, we would prefer to stay together in one room." Sango insisted loudly, seizing hold of the conversation. "A simple screen to separate us will be sufficient." 

"Are you certain that's entirely appropriate?" the headman asked, sounding slightly disappointed. The young monk turned his eyes from the taijiya and shot the headman a hate-filled scowl.

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be? I'm a monk, ain't I?" 

__


End file.
